I may not be the perfect height and I may not be the perfect weight. I may not have the long hair that you usually love on women and I may not be the best dressed person you’ll ever know. I may not know how to put my make up on well, heck I may not even be the prettiest girl you’ll ever meet. I may not be the coolest and I may not like all of the same things that you do. I may not be the best dancer and I may not have the nicest voice. I may not be the most athletic and I may not have the most luxurious car. I may not have a lot of money and I may not have the best job. I may not have the ability to give you the nicest things and I may not always be the most romantic. I may not be the funniest and I may not have the same humor as you. I may not be the most confident and I may not always feel secure.

But I can cook for you whenever you’re hungry and listen when you want to talk. I can take care of you when you’re sick (and/or drunk) and put you to bed when you’re tired. I I can watch all of the action movies in the world in exchange for the chick flicks you agree to watch with me and learn how to play all of the sports you play… at least I’ll try. I can laugh at every joke you make and consistently tell you how handsome I think you are. But most importantly, I can promise that I will love you with every bit of my beating heart and do whatever it takes to keep you happy. I hope that it’s enough for you because your love is more than enough for me.

When we fall in love, the brain releases a chemical called phenylethylamine (PEA) which causes our palms to sweat, our hearts to race, and “butterflies” in our stomachs. It’s possible to trigger someone else’s brain to release PEA by looking at them a lot during a conversation, which in turn makes that person more likely to fall in love with you.

Possibly.

This isn’t going to be an entry with poetry and prose or anything, but I couldn’t stop thinking these past few days. & the crazy thing is I couldn’t pinpoint what I was thinking about. So I decided to freewrite. You know, in grade school when your teacher made you write for minutes about anything. And this is what I came up with…

Don’t compromise yourself.
Free yourself.
Stay on your own star.
Lie down under a night sky and just listen to what falls behind.
Feel it all the way through.
The weak. The strong. The REAL.
Growing up is like this. Living is like this.
The bad part isn’t bad. It’s just part of it. It gets you there.
The euphoria.
The ache.
The confusion.
The question.
The wondering.
The understanding.
The letting go.
The young. The brave.
These are the days that must happen to me.
This I believe.
Contradictions…
Embrace them.
Laugh with them.

I am learning that…
I’m not going to have it all together.
Look how I wanna look.
Feel how I wanna feel.
Do what I should be doing.

Right now is it because well, right now is really IT. (wow, am I making any sense?!)

I don’t know what will come next or how it will come.
I know it never works out how I think it will.
Looking back… it always has worked out how it should.
Remember this as we go on our way.
What I really want to say to myself is… it’s ALRIGHT… it’s OKAY…
This mess right here.

“In its own flawed way, it’s all secretly perfect.”

I’m not running.
We all suffer.
There will always be understanding.
This is what I know to be true… sooner than you think & later than you expected.

I have learned that more is never enough. Growing is a mixture of
surrendering to that… None of it matters. All of it matters.
What we stand up for & what we let go of. This is the real stuff.

I am realizing that I am enough as is — a work in progress.
Accepting myself brings me away from analyzing.
Doubting.
Comparing.
Altering how I am.
Who I am.

It is important to share & necessary to live…
as tangled & true as it is…
Ugh, I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.
Deuces.