“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: If a guy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs,… and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.”
—He’s Just Not That Into You (the movie)
May 2009
25 posts
Advice from Oprah.
Here’s something else you can thank her for other than free KFC:
- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
- If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
- Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
- Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
- Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
- Slower is better.
- Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.“
- A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
- Don’t settle.
- If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
- Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
- Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
- Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
- If something bothers you, speak up.
- Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
- You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.
- Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are… even if he has more education or has a better job .
- Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
- Never let a man define who you are.
- Never borrow someone else’s man.
- If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you again.
- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
- All men are NOT dogs.
- You should not be the one doing all the bending… compromise is a two way street.
- You need time to heal between relationships …there is nothing cute about baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you… a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals… look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.
- Dating is fun..even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
- Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
“
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
” —Mary SchmichMy Movie Scene.
So in the middle of writing something, this came to mind… The main character has spent the accellerated month, 2.5 hours, adventuring through her illustration of love… and more importantly, with who. Now, the camera pans back and upward revealing the main character and her love interest sitting on an apartment stoop on a sunny afternoon (city noise in the background). The two characters sip slurpees, for last minute product placement, and talk briefly about their favorite childhood cartoons (the same exact conversation that opened the movie with the two characters sitting on the trunk of a car in a parking lot: the woman smoking a cigarette and the man sipping something out of a silver flask. In the closing scene the two are both drinking slurpees because through the course of the story they’ve helped eachother drop their bad habits of smoking, drinking before the street lamps turn on, and wasting their days deciding what to do and never do it at all.) Now they’ve realized that being alive on a beautiful day is enough. And something the man says hints to the audience that maybe he’s glad that he is spending the day with her. This sends the main character into her dialogue, Exactly Like You by B.B. King fades in, the camera pans back, a dog walks by from the right side of the shot to the left, a green car zooms by the opposite way, the credits roll and the movie ends.
My mind gets too side tracked sometimes.
“Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl… & her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”
—The History of Love by Nicole Krauss
Laughter really is that important.
Laughter really is that important.
"Date" Blunders
So I was talking to a friend about silly things we’ve done on dates and it may not be the silliest thing I’ve ever done, but this was the first thing that came to mind. I was a freshman in college and it wasn’t really a formal date or anything considering I haven’t had much of those (if any) at all, but my friends were trying to get me & this one guy to hang out. They asked us if we wanted to see a movie as a group. We agreed, met up at the mall, and everyone ended up either flaking or leaving. What a coincidence! …Sike. Anyways, we decided to watch the movie anyway because it would’ve been a waste of a drive. I’ve seen this guy maybe two or three times before this, but it was our first time hanging out by ourselves. Sooo… while we were inside the theater waiting for the movie to start, I pulled out a bag of Ramen from my purse, crushed the hard noodles a little bit, opened the bag, sprinkled some (but not too much) seasoning and shook the bag for the flavor to go all over. Then, I asked him if he wanted some. I’m sure he looked at me like… “Uhhh wtf is this girl doing?” Looking back at it, my friend and I got a good laugh. I actually do wonder what he thought about that.
That’s all. There’s no moral or point to this story. Just… stupidity or being real ghetto. Haha
Play
Know the Ledge.
I remember reading this on a few websites years ago. It was originally printed in the UMass Daily Collegian written by a regular dude with a simple (but not so simple) crush. Every time I read it, you don’t understand how much it gets me & how weak I end up feeling. It sounds crazy, but there’s no way that one person hasn’t related to this somehow, guy or girl.
What She Doesn’t Know Will Kill You
by Matt Brochu
November 21, 2003
You met her a few months ago, and somehow she managed to seep into your subconscious like that “Suga how you get so fly” song. Just like you have no clue who the hell sings it, you don’t know why she’s there. But she is, whether you like it or not. You know her cell phone, her room phone. You can dial her Aunt Doreen’s house in West Springfield (where she goes to do her laundry every two weeks) faster than you can peck-out 911. But she doesn’t know.
Her screenname, that generic one with her first name followed by three to five random numbers or UMass, has its own category at the top of your buddy list. Not only do you know what a “Buddy Alert” is, you’ve rigged your computer to play “Fat Guy in a Little Coat” from “Tommy Boy” every time her screen name changes from gray to black. Then her away message comes down, and you have a decision to make. To IM or not to IM? These are the ridiculous games that you play on a daily basis. But she doesn’t know.
She’s it. All right, so maybe not “it” it. Not necessarily Ms. Right, but closer to Ms. Right - up - there - with - Anna - Kournikova - and - Lizzie - McGuire - on - your - list - of - people - you’d - give - anything - to - be - stranded - with - on - a - broken - down - elevator. But it’s about more than that. When is it ever about more than that? Never. Not like frilly white dress, overpriced catering, embarrassing drunk in-laws more, but closer to UMass sweatpants, two D.P. Dough Roni Zonies, a futon and a movie you have no interest in seeing more. But she doesn’t know.
She’s gorgeous, but gorgeous is an understatement. More like you’re startled every time you see her because you notice something new in a “Where’s Waldo” sort of way. More like you can’t stop writing third grade run-on sentences because you can’t remotely begin to describe something … someone … so inherently amazing. But you’re a writer. You can describe anything. That’s what you do: pictures to words, events to words, words to even better words. But nothing seems right. More like you’re afraid that if you stare at her for too long, you’ll prove your parents right: that yes, your face will stick that way. But you wouldn’t mind.
You wouldn’t mind that the questioning, “Hello?” on the other end makes you want to smile and throw up at the same time. You wouldn’t mind worrying about what to get her for her birthday and spending $300 when you only have $17.50 and a Triple-A card to your name. You wouldn’t mind that she left your TV on and the blaring infomercials wake you up at 4 a.m. … because it gives you a chance to watch her sleep. You don’t mind that you’ve slipped up twice when you were hammered and hinted at how you feel, but she was too drunk to remember. So she doesn’t know.
Sure, she’s pretty, but it’s about more than that. You two connect. Anything you throw at her, she can throw right back. You figured out what’s going on in that predictable head of hers in under five minutes, but something tells you her heart would take about five years.
You remember everything she’s ever said to you, and when that freaks her out you blame it on your photographic memory (which is a lie, you have a 2.7 GPA). You can’t remember your teaching assistant’s name, and you can’t remember that your Puffton rent check was due four days ago, yet you remember the middle name of the kid who tripped her in fifth grade and gave her that cute little scar on her shoulder. Maybe it’s because you actually listen when she talks. When do you actually listen? Never. But she doesn’t know.
But she has a boyfriend. The kid is a tool, and you are not. He has no redeeming qualities, and you have about 38, even when you’re hung over. You could kick his butt, and you’ve never been in a fight in your life. He treats her like crap, and you would treat her like the princess she believed herself to be on Halloween in 1988.
But she loves him. He wouldn’t know what he had even if she slapped him across the face and dumped him, but somehow she still loves him. And somehow she still doesn’t know.
Then, out of nowhere, she slaps him across the face and dumps him. She comes to you. You’ve been there before, so you seem like the smartest guy on earth. She cries, but your corny half-joke, half-compliment somehow gets a smile out of her that almost makes you feel ashamed that you’re the only one around who gets to witness it. It looks like you might make her realize that all guys don’t deserve to have rocks thrown at them.
But nothing changes. She doesn’t know. You get that library elevator feeling in your stomach that she’ll never know. You get that feeling that you’ll be forced to write a cheesy Collegian column about her that makes “Sleepless in Seattle” look like “Girls Gone Wild.”
You go to sleep. You wake up. She doesn’t know. You’re not in love. You’re not obsessed. You blame it on the fact that you just need to get some, but still, it’s about more than that. It would just be nice if once in your life, things worked out the way you wanted them to.
So ___________, it’s about time you know.
Now cut this out, fill in her name, and give it to her, coward. Just let me know how it works out.
Response.
Sorry for such a late post. It’s been a busy weekend & lately I’ve been having internet complications for unknown whack reasons. My previous post asked you if you guys had any questions for me & some of you asked! So here are my responses…
Rachel: That’s insane, because well, it is.
Vobot: I am nowhere near amazing. That’s all you, my dear. Yes, I will marry you. And I love you more? I, too will end with a question mark.
MagicMic: You are just so MagicalMichael Awesomerallano.
Melissa: I am quite ecstatic you actually follow me & even responded to this because you are quite amazing, my dear.
HeyImFio: I love you more than I love ice cream & doughnuts & cakes & cupcakes & chocolate & food in general… and well that’s a lot.
Juliaayy: I don’t sing, sorry =\ & I’m not really famous at all lol… I just have amazing friends.
Kalyoubyein: I’m really glad I’ve helped at least one person, somehow. It’s a really good feeling actually & no words can really explain how appreciative I am that people actually read my tumblr. Definitely unexpected! But ehhnyways! I like tons of colors. It depends really. From plain things like whites (even though it’s not a color), blacks, creams, and grays to orange & blues, but I guess you can say I’ve always loved green & red most (just not together cause that would be Christmas… not that I don’t like Christmas or anything). Wow that was long.
Flippineli: Yes, I was in YFC from middle school to well… college! I’m too old for YFC now though & should be in SFC. My days in YFC have been some of the best days of my life, I must say.
Inspyyred: I mainly listen to Dong Bang Shin Ki, but I do listen to some Super Junior, Big Bang, SG Wannabe, and I’ve heard some Wondergirls (but who hasn’t? haha). DBSK will be forever in my heart though. & Yes, Timirose is actually my real first name. So thank you! (:
Franda: That shouldn’t even be a question, but I guess to formally answer it… Yes. <3
Richard: You are so cool because you’re funny & smart & honest & you wrote the cute penguin song & you disappear then reappear on tokbox because you have a life. Maybe you’re toooo cool.
The end.
I hope that all mothers out there had a beautiful Mother’s Day! Not only am I thankful for my amazing Mama, but I’m also thankful for the Mom’s who made, took care of, raised, and taught my amazing friends. <3 It was a good day.
Play
Listen
It’s an oldie, but I still love it. It’s one of those songs that make me want to be a better chick just so that I can be described juuuust like this. Thanks Mario! BMore whaat!
Playing In My Hair.
I wasn’t going to tumbl about this because this should be a secret to all mankind that they should figure out on their own, but I’m sure that most girls can relate to this.
One thing that I’d love for the opposite sex to do is play with my hair: brush his fingers through it, graze it, style it in some silly way, move it away from my face, pull it behind my ear.. anything really. You can tell by the way he does it, how much he cares for you and how well he’s going to take care of you. It’s one of the most affectionate and endearing gestures a guy can do… at least in my opinion. I think what I want to do more than anything (on this subject, at least) is to get out of the shower, lie on the couch, watch some tv and someone’s playing with my hair while it’s semi-wet. It just comes naturally and subconsciously. My imagination is nuts I tell you. I’ve been watching a lot of chick flicks lately too & that doesn’t help.
So guys take note of this… Just be careful, because we can totally tell if it’s genuine or not and don’t do it to me because I’ll most likely smack you silly for trying that shit on me without my liking. Haha just kidding. But not.
How To: Install Love.
Way too cute. It helps.
How to Install LOVE
Tech Support: Hello … how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install
Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge
and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt
from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High
Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and
Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.
Can you turn those off ?
Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that
normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get
the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error
- Program not run on external components.” What should I do?
Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set
up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In
non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before
you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the
following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your
Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty
programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all
directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely
gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but
eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed
and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure
to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in
turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
