We all have different types that we are attracted to and different things that we like in a partner, but there are certain characteristics that are universal and nearly everyone sees as important. Here are 10 characteristics of an ideal partner that almost everyone can agree on:
1. Respectful. Someone who values the importance of our lives, our choices, and our friends and family and treats us with respect is attractive to everyone.
2. Sense of Humor. Nearly everyone values this in a relationship, especially as life throws tough situations at us. Being able to laugh together is a way that we cope with stress and get through things together.
3. Appreciative. No matter who you are, you want to know that you are appreciated in your relationship. No one wants to be taken for granted and we all like when our partner is appreciative and lets us know how much they enjoy being with us.
4. Thoughtful. Having a partner that thinks of us and anticipates our needs is something that we all like. Someone who thinks of what we want and need and doesn’t just consider themselves is something we all look for in an ideal partner.
1. They stand closer to you or they keep a smaller distance when they’re around you. It shows that they are comfortable with you and want to get physically intimate.
2. They are more likely to face you when talking to you as opposed to standing sideways or away from you. However, if they are shy, then maybe this point won’t apply so much. Instead, they will periodically take glimpses at you when you’re not looking.
3. They’d try to get your attention for trivial things such as calling you about what homework they have or when the homework is due.
4. They smile more frequently because of you. Even if they don’t show it while around you because they don’t want you to find out they like you, they will smile when they think of you.
True or False?
The One Who Wants To Be With You
You need to make plans to see someone on a Tuesday because having a guaranteed fun activity in the middle of the week will keep you sane and give you something to look forward to. And let’s face it, we all need something to look forward to during the work week. I’m all for having a dinner party with a few of my friends and getting three glasses of wine drunk at 9pm and being in bed by 11. By punctuating your busy week with something exciting, it will go by so much faster. It also always feels good to do something a little forbidden on a Tuesday (Oops, I went out when I should’ve stayed in. Oops, I got stoned. Oops, there’s work tomorrow!) Putting so many rules on yourself will ensure that one day you’ll snap and become a full-fledged alcoholic psycho in your thirties. (Just ask my mom! JK, love you mom!)
You need music you can fall in love with. Any spare moment I have, I’ll be up in the music blogs looking for that new song that’ll be like crack for my earbuds. I don’t know about you guys but when I find a new song to obsess over, I’m like pretty set for the next three days. I don’t need a flirty text message, a delicious meal, or an amazing night out. I’m pretty much set with my New Favorite Song.
You need someone in your life who excites you, makes you nervous, and forces you to question what you think you already know. These usually come in the form of a crush or a relationship. A relationship is obviously ideal but a crush can tide you over like a nice appetizer. We spend so much of our time feeling jaded and set in our ideas, and that’s clearly not a fun way to exist. We pretend it is but deep down it feels a little miserable because we don’t want to know all the answers. We want someone who’s challenging, who we can’t figure out, and can tell us that we’re full of crap. We need someone to get us off the internet and remind us that real life is much more fun. And it’s okay to be unsure and nervous because that just means we’re alive again.
We need stressful days in order to be happy. We need days when we get zero sleep and are working tirelessly on a deadline. Because if we didn’t, the lazy days wouldn’t feel good. After my accident, I took a semester off to live in LA and go to rehab three times a week. At first I thought, “This will be good. I can focus on my recovery and I’ll read a lot of books and write.” Um, yeah right. I was bored to tears. The days I wasn’t spending at the doctors or in physical therapy, I would be doing nothing. It’s no fun doing nothing. I don’t know how rich people can fill their days with pointless appointments and call it a fulfilling life. We need to always be working towards something in order to feel useful and have a sense of purpose. And then those days off when you just veg feel so good. We often say that we’d like a very long vacation but most of us would probably get very bored after a week.
We need to treat ourselves to stupid stuff. We spend a great deal of our time saying “NO” to things just so one day we can be like “Screw it. I’m doing me today.” If you did “you” every day, you’d either be broke or ridden with STDS.
We need family. Whether it be in the traditional sense of the word or the kind of family we create on our own when we get older, we need to feel like we belong somewhere. Otherwise, we would permanently feel like a raw exposed nerve that could just disappear at any given moment. If they died, who would claim the body?
And last, but certainly not least, we need to like ourselves in order to be happy. BOMBSHELL! Go read Eat, Pray, Love now for more new information! (Ew, don’t read that book ever.) Here’s the thing that’s funny about self-love. People say that in order to have someone love you, you gotta love yourself and I think that’s BS. I know many people who are in relationships and full of self-loathing. In fact, it seems like the more damaged someone is, the more likely they are going to be in a relationship. It might not be a healthy one but they’ll be tethered to someone for sure. So listen, don’t go love yourself and think it’s going to complete the puzzle. Don’t think people are going to gravitate to you because when you love yourself, you delete 70% of your dating options because you’re looking for someone who’s equally as happy and well-adjusted, which is a rare thing to find. So love yourself just for the sake of doing it, for being able to look in the mirror without wincing and to take yourself out to the movies and lunch and think you’re great company. Do it in order to stay happy.
Oh, and you need to have a healthy amount of sex. Always.
(via Ryan O’Connell)
Guys make it seem like girls are the most difficult creatures on the planet & that we have these certain standards for a perfect man.
I’m not asking you to be rich & spoil me with gifts… make me a card instead. I’m not asking you to be some youtube star & sing to me… make me a mixtape instead. I’m not asking you to be some Fabio, Edward, Prince Charming romantic… do some research and ask my friends things that I’d appreciate. I’m not asking you to be the funniest guy in the world… just please don’t make me cry. All I ask is for you to give me all that you can & when you have nothing else left to give… All any girl wants… is your time.
There’s no excuse because if you really cared enough… it wouldn’t be that difficult at all.
Was he a man?
Was this the kinda guy who, if he heard glass breaking in the middle of the night… is he gonna jump outta bed and say “stay here” and look around the house naked with a baseball bat or is he gonna hide underneath the covers with you?
Is this the kinda guy who is gonna get grossed out when you give birth or is he gonna dry your forehead & tell you, you look beautiful while all that disgusting stuff is coming out of you?
Is this the kinda guy who’s not afraid to get into a fistfight at a Springsteen show because someone really disrespected him & hell just put it out & he’ll take ‘em out right there, right now?!” —The Mindy Project
HOW TO GET THROUGH DIFFICULT TIMES:
1. Make a gratitude list.
When life becomes difficult, we tend to focus on the negatives. We get so caught up in everything that’s bad that we lose sight of all the good that still exists. If you find yourself getting lost in the darkness, create some light by writing out a list of all the things there are to be grateful for.
Don’t allow the negative things in your life to discount the positive ones. Don’t let a bad day or month or year make you feel like you have a bad life. Instead of fixating on everything that’s going wrong, focus on all the things that are going right. Let the power of gratitude remind you that there is so much to keep fighting for.
2. Focus on what you can control instead of what you can’t.
There is a lot in this world that lies beyond our power, but the one thing we always have control over, no matter what our circumstances, is our attitude and outlook. You can’t go back in time and change the past, but you can choose to start today and create a better present. You can’t control how others act or what they say, but you can choose to be kind and compassionate with yourself despite them. You can choose to see your situation as a curse, or you can choose to see it as an opportunity for learning and growth. You can decide that your life is hopeless and admit defeat, or you can choose to hold onto hope and keep picking yourself back up, no matter how many times you fall.
Every day and each moment, you get to choose how you will treat yourself, what thoughts you will accept as truths, and what perspective you will adopt. When you find yourself feeling helpless and hopeless, remind yourself of this power. Remind yourself that the power to heal lies within you and those choices.
3. Look at how far you’ve come instead of how far you still have to go.
It’s easy to get discouraged when you focus on how much work still needs to be done and how many obstacles still stand in your way. The journey to your destination may be a long and difficult one, but it’s still important to stop every now and then and recognize how far you’ve already traveled. It’s important to use that distance as a reminder of your progress and continued growth.
So when you find yourself feeling stuck and lost and defeated, remind yourself of how much you have overcome to get to this point. The fact that you’re struggling now does not discount your past triumphs and successes. Recognize that although the journey has been slow, you’ve never given up. No matter how difficult things have been, you have continued to push forward. That courage to continue going, despite how dark things have been, is something you deserve to be incredibly proud of yourself for. Even though it may not feel like it, you are making progress. Keep pushing forward and don’t give up.
4. Surround yourself with people who make you feel loved.
When you’re struggling, the worst thing you can do is be alone. Negative thoughts and feelings thrive in isolation. In order to break out of the darkness, you have to surround yourself with positive people and love. Being around others may not cure you of your pain, but it certainly doesn’t hurt and if anything, it gives you the opportunity to get support.
Letting people see you in a vulnerable place can be scary, but struggling in the presence of people who can give you love and support feels a lot better than being alone in your pain. So start bringing down your walls and start letting people in. You can and will heal—but you can’t do it alone.
5. Reach out.
I know that you want to be strong for the people you love. I know that you want to be self-reliant and competent. But I also need you to know asking for help doesn’t make you weak or incapable or inadequate—it makes you human. We all struggle. And at some point, we all need help. You are no exception to that.
Instead of choosing to view reaching out as something bad or shameful, try to see it as a form of self-care. Because by reaching out, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to get your needs met and heal. And that is something that takes far more strength and courage than struggling on your own and denying yourself help.
Whether you text a friend and share how you’re struggling, invite someone to come over and keep you company, video chat withs someone you love, or call someone you can vent to, give yourself permission to get support. Give yourself the opportunity to receive the precious gifts reaching out has to offer.
6. Be kind to yourself.
Beating yourself up for struggling doesn’t help your situation. It makes you feel worse and it keeps you stuck. The truth is that we all struggle. Everyone has a difficult time coping, and everyone goes through periods of hardship. So instead of criticizing and punishing yourself for something we all battle, choose to act in a way that is conducive to your healing. Choose to treat yourself with kindness and compassion.
This means not judging yourself for being imperfect and forgiving yourself for making mistakes. It means not holding yourself to impossibly high standards. It means putting an end to comparing yourself to others. It means challenging the negative beliefs you have about yourself, and adopting new, self-loving and accepting thoughts.
Being kind and compassionate means treating yourself as you would a friend. It means doing self-care when you feel like punishing yourself with self-destructive behaviors. It means resting when you’re tired and saying no to things that would force you to compromise your wellbeing. It means going at your own pace and honoring your process. And it means reminding yourself that you’re doing the best you can given your circumstances, and that’s enough.
7. Do self care.
Sometimes the darkness we’re feeling is so great that we can’t find the strength to counter the negative thoughts we have about ourselves. If you find yourself in this position, don’t judge it. Don’t punish yourself or engage in unhealthy behaviors. If you can’t think nicely of yourself, try doing nice things for yourself. Try using healthy, self-soothing coping mechanisms.
Take a bubble bath, get a massage, cuddle with a pet, make plans with a supportive friend, watch your favorite movie, do something you’re passionate about, go for a walk, journal, get a manicure, listen to calming music, do deep breathing—whatever it is, make sure it’s something healing that helps you get out of your head. If you try one coping mechanism and it doesn’t work, don’t admit defeat. Keep trying. Try different activities. Ask someone to try one with you. Be patient. Don’t give up.
8. Feel your feelings.
There is a lot of built up energy and emotion underlying our current circumstances and struggle. Holding in how we feel and engaging in behaviors to numb out may make us feel better in the moment, but in the long run, it doesn’t remedy the pain we feel. It’s a temporary fix that only perpetuates our pain and keeps us stuck.
In order to heal and move forward, you have to feel our feelings. Whether that means throwing a tantrum on the floor, journaling, venting to a friend on the phone, punching a pillow, screaming in your car, or crying in bed, you need to allow yourself to feel your feelings. Let go of the judgement you have about what you feel and recognize that you are feeling these things for a reason. Give yourself permission to release your emotions and let everything out. Acknowledge the pain, feel it, learn from it, recognize why it no longer serves you, and let it go. It’s the only way.
9. Remind yourself that you aren’t alone.
One of the most healing things we can do is to remind ourselves that we are not alone in how we feel or what we’re going through. To remind ourselves that even when we feel alone in the world, there are so many other people fighting our same fight, and through that shared experience, we are always connected. Just as others have fought our same fight and made it to the other side, we too can overcome this. We are not alone. Not ever.
10. Remind yourself that this will pass.
In the moment, the pain of our struggle feels as though it will last forever. It feels wounding and incapacitating, and the idea of going another minute feeling this pain seems unbearable. But the truth is that like all feelings and struggles, it will pass. Maybe not this minute, maybe not for an hour or for the remainder of the night, but it will eventually subside.
Feelings are like waves. They come in strong, peek, and then fade. Your circumstances are no exception. Just because you’re struggling now doesn’t mean you will struggle forever. Breathe. In and out. Again and again, and remind yourself that this will pass. Remind yourself that you will make it through. Remind yourself that you have struggled before and survived it, and so, you can survive it today. It will pass. It always has and always will.
“Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream.
There are four obstacles.
First: we are told from childhood that everything we want to do is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. But it’s still there.
If we have the courage to disinter dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love. We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. We do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward. We do not realize that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.
Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path. We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn’t work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: “Oh, well, I didn’t really want it anyway.” We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey.
Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.
I ask myself: are defeats necessary?
Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and get up eight times.
So, why is it so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?
Because, once we have overcome the defeats—and we always do—we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life. Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.
Having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it and spent many years living with the scars, we suddenly notice that what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. Then comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream for which we fought all our lives.
Oscar Wilde said: “Each man kills the thing he loves.”
And it’s true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far. I have known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal—when it was only a step away.
This is the most dangerous of the obstacles because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here.”
One of my favorite books.